Falling into old habits

This morning I ventured out of the comfort of my room to head out into the real world.  Lately, I’ve been getting severely overwhelmed being outside and interacting with people away from the computer.  This mostly comes down to the fact that I spend 95% of my day on a computer in my apartment either working or gaming.  I have very little social interaction outside my roommate and even when she comes home, it’s a little too much for me to handle socially.

This morning though, she wanted to take me to an Indian buffet called Namaste.  I’ve never really had Indian food, and she’s been talking this place up since she started at her job down this way.  The opportunity was ripe for the taking, so I jumped on it to try something new.

As I sit here at Starbucks, I realize just how out of touch I’m becoming again with the real world.  I’m uncomfortable.  I’m anxious.  I keep hoping nobody will notice me, talk to me or even look at me.  There’s two homeless people sitting next to me eating Michelina meals they purchased with food stamps.  They smell horrible, but they’re nice and they’re not bothering anybody.  I keep trying not to look at them so they won’t look at me, but I forgot how interesting people watching can be.

I need to make an effort to get out, even if it’s just a short walk or going somewhere further away for grocery shopping.  I need to force myself to interact with people.  I can’t keep stepping outside and feeling like my sensors are going to overload.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love what I’m doing, and I wouldn’t give up the freedom being a blogger gives me.  But how I feel right now is… frightening.  I used to love to meet new people, loved to learn new things but slowly I’m falling into old habits.  Shutting people out, shutting myself away and thinking it’s okay because I’m working towards something.

But what good is working towards something if you don’t know how to reap the benefits of what it’ll yield down the line?