Expectations

It's ironic how as kids we convince ourselves that fairy tales really do come true, and for very, very few they do. But for the majority of us, fairy tales are just the expectations we put into other people to be who we want them to be. The irony lies in the fact that nobody, not a single soul on Earth, can be who we want them to be because they're too busy trying to figure out who they are every day of their lives.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the expectations we put on ourselves, that others put on us and that the world in general throws our way.  Expectations are out there whether we want them to be a driving force in our lives or not.  The problem with the majority of expectations that we "think" we are putting on ourselves really come from other people.  What they want us to be, who they want us to be, what they want a relationship to be.  When it comes down to it, a majority of "who" we are is based on what other people want us to be.

Who do we blame when we fall far from those expectations?  That's right: Ourselves.

I refuse to live my life tied down by expectations anymore.  This will be a hard path but a righteous one.  If I can find a way to live my life for me, figure out exactly who I am, who or what can stop me from accomplishing the goals I have set?  The only person who can stop me from being me is me, so why waste time worrying what other people and what society says I can and can't be?

My goals will be simple from this point out.  They will be attainable.  They will build upon one another until I shatter the fairy tale I wanted and simply learn to live life, enjoy each and everything that comes my way good or bad.  I owe it to myself to enjoy life, because I never know when it may be taken away.

When it comes to the people in my life, I no longer want to hold them up to a higher standard just because I "think" they should be this or do that.  Instead, I simply want to be thankful they were in life for better or worse.  I've learned something from each of them, and why would I want to waste that experience for bitterness and misplaced feelings?

I've spent my whole life chasing a dream that I thought I came close to having but am now coming to realize was just not going to come true.  Not as the person I had become.  The hurt, the anger, everything I've held onto in life has shaped me into this mold of a person I don't want to be.  How can I expect someone to truly understand and be with me if I haven't come to terms with the past and moved forward as a person with their feet solidly on the ground.

I know it's much easier to say these things - write them out -  then to live them.  I'm going to remind myself each day that to live life free of these expectations is what is truly going to get me out of this rut.  It's going to guide me into the future.  If I can hold onto that, I'll be just fine.